The Void Inside

The misunderstood darkness of depression is illuminated from personal insight. Without having experienced it, it is not something that can easily be understood. When you look forward in life, and see nothing but darkness, you despair. It is a darkness that the sun cannot brighten. A darkness so complete that nothing is left. Without knowing this darkness themselves, people are unable to understand why the light that is their happiness does not help illuminate those for whom the very concept of light seems foreign. Others look upon these people and cannot stand what they see. For when someone looks upon the void, the void looks back.

The void that can hide within a person is unlike any other, for it is deeply rooted. Some people find that their void consumes them completely, no longer functioning as a normal member of society. Others may find that they are able to hide who they are and use their great understanding of what it means to carry darkness to help, doing what they can to help others avoid from feeling the same way that they do. No person carries the same void as another, as each is unique.

Despite this uniqueness, common themes can be drawn. Themes such as feelings of inadequacy, of never being good enough for those around you. The fear of drawing others into the void brings feelings of other people being better off without one’s presence. These are feelings of great strength, and for many prove too much to cope with. The void that resides inside does not corrupt. Instead it twists what already exists into unrecognisable forms. Shadows of what came before. The remnants of a person become all that they are. No longer can they see the light. The darkness is all that’s left.

Yet, even though this is the case, you may argue for importance. That the darkness the void brings can be removed, and light can return. You argue for affection, that such feelings are greater than that of the nothingness. To engage in eternal combat with oneself is not a task that can be undertaken with ease. The spectators of such events, those who cheer at every victory and mourn at every loss, are the friends of the combatant. They are the true victims of the fight. For no matter who wins, they will lose.

You could ask me about smiling, about compliments, about telling others that you care for them. All simple tasks, ones that can be easily done, yet provide an impact that is not proportional. Your argument applies great importance to these tasks, and states that these can make life worth living. Such simple tasks are not ones that require specific people to complete. It does not matter if it is I that tells people such things any more than it would matter if they were told by someone they had never met.

The voice of the people. Vox Populi. No, I am not such a man. To fairly represent those who are unable to express themselves first requires one to fairly represent themselves. Such a task is beyond my limits. Beyond that which I am capable. The eternal combat is a difficult one, and the inclusion of many more spectators simply opens the room for more to mourn the inevitable loss… The end.

The concept of a victory in the fight is one that is difficult for me. There can be no happy ending to this tale. For me to wake up, to wake up and not feel this way is beyond my imagination. No longer do I remember what it’s like to have a genuinely good day. No longer do I see any light in my future. Nay, my days are darker than they’ve ever been.

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